Patterns of infidelity and their treatment

"For a therapist, the very notion of healing the wounds of infidelity often seems overwhelming. What is needed is a carefully constructed, clinically based framework for interpreting and treating extramarital affairs - one that is flexible and yet concrete, empathetic and practical. Emily Brown provides just such a framework." "Affairs, the author asserts, have less to do with sex than with the symptoms of troubled relationships: fear, disappointment, anger, emptiness, and the concomitant hope for love and acceptance. She examines the affair not only in the context of the current family but in terms of the family of origin with its intimations of "unfinished business" tenacious patterns of avoidance, secretiveness, betrayal, seduction. Because this potent mixture of emotions past and present does find its way into the dynamic of marital and extramarital relationships, Ms. Brown delineates a typology of affairs - Patterns of Infidelity - that is tremendously useful in amplifying the unspoken message being conveyed by the Infidel: "I'll make you pay attention to me!"; "I don't want to need you so much (so I'll get my needs met elsewhere)"; "I don't like you, but I can't live without you"; "Help me make it out the door."" "In response to these patterns, the author proposes specific interventions that address the issue of the Infidel, the Spouse, and the Unmarried Other. She tackles some of the most formidable aspects of treatment: revealing the secret affair, cutting through the obsessive rage of the betrayed party, rebuilding trust in the couple relationship, and facilitating forgiveness and closure. She enthusiastically describes the appropriate use of group therapy as a vehicle that can serve much like a functional family in promoting (among other things) those relationship skills that were crucially lacking in the family of origin. She also explores the behavior patterns of the unmarried other in the context of both long- and short-term affairs." "The reader will be challenged and gratified by the openness and self-honesty that Emily Brown rigorously invokes throughout. Early on she tells us in no uncertain terms that the therapist must not collude in preserving the affair's secrecy - a process that might appear to be protective but that is, in fact, evasive - lest one also become enmeshed in a dysfunctional triangle. Equally important, she helps the reader look more closely at personal issues of love and betrayal, how these can impact on clients, and the critical need for personal and professional self-assessment." "Marriage and family therapists, counselors, social workers, pastoral counselors, group therapists, family mediators, and mental health students will find this to be an innovative, richly realized resource. It is sure to open up a fundamental yet much-neglected field of study to healthy practice and discussion for years to come."--Jacket.